not over you

Pregnancy has a way of turning all songs on the radio into songs about my baby-to-be, as mentioned in the previous post. This time around, this one particular song has been following me around and making me misty eyed every time it comes on. Gavin DeGraw is not talking about a baby when he's singing "Not Over You," but here's what I hear in the lyrics...

Dreams, that's where I have to go
to see your beautiful face anymore
I stare at a picture of you and listen to the radio

(I only have one picture of this baby, a little blurby picture. And I listen to the radio almost all day long.)

Hope, hope there's a conversation
where we both admit we had it good but

(Sometimes, I just can't wait to be able to talk to him or her.)

until then it's alienation, I know, that much is understood

(To be so close to the baby, and yet so far from actually holding him or her...)

And I realize

If you ask me how I'm doin I would say I'm doin just fine

(My standard answer to the "how are you?" question is "good"... probably because I'm mostly good, but also because I know I could be a lot worse off. So generally speaking, I'm good.)

I would lie and say that you're not on my mind

(Sometimes I will also say something like "it's going so fast" like this baby isn't always on my mind because I'm so busy with life and Levi.)

But I go out and I sit down at a table set for two 

(This is when Levi and I are out to lunch, just the two of us at a table set for two...)

and finally I'm forced to face the truth

No matter what they say, I'm not over you
Not over you

(Yup, it hits you like a ton of bricks... it won't be just the two of us for much longer! And I'm still not over the excitement of finding out about this baby.)

Damn, damn girl you do it well
And I thought you were innocent
You took this heart and put it through hell
But still you're magnificent 
I I'm a boomerang doesn't matter how you throw me
Turn around and I'm back in the game

(Hah, I feel like I was just there doing this pregnancy thing, and here I am, back in the game. Maybe because I only had less than two months between weaning Levi and getting pregnant again.)

Even better than the old me

But I'm not even close without you

One day I will listen to songs like normal people do, I promise!

i just haven't met you yet

I was eating lunch with my little dining companion today, when one of our favorite special songs came on the radio. I've thought of this as "our song" ever since before Levi was born, as it played constantly on the radio in the  days leading up to his July 2010 birthday. "Haven't Met You Yet" just seemed to make so much more sense as a baby song than a love song, to me. Here are the lyrics and my interpretations throughout:


I'm not surprised.
Not everything lasts.
I've broken my heart so many times I stopped keeping track.
Talk myself in.
I talk myself out.
I get all worked up, then I let myself down.
(Approaching the due date, sometime I'd get worked up about it, but then realized there was nothing I could do yet.)
I tried so very hard not to lose it.
(I think most pregnant women are *this close* to losing their sanity on most days. It's a big change a-coming!)

I came up with a million excuses.
I thought I thought of every possibility.
(Hind sight... I didn't think I'd be in labor for 12 days straight. No joke.)
And I know someday that it'll all turn out.
You'll make me work so we can work to work it out.
(Twelve days of contractions is WORK!)

And promise you, kid, that I'll give so much more than I get.
(False. I do not give more than the joy I receive.)

I just haven't met you yet.
(It's so odd to have a person inside you, so very close, and yet so far away.)
I might have to wait.
(Hah. Those days are the longest days ever.)

I'll never give up.
(I have yet to hear of a pregnant woman staying pregnant forever.)

I guess it's half timing, 
And the other half's luck.
(Yup, that magic day is completely out of my control.)

Wherever you are.
Whenever it's right.
You'll come out of nowhere and into my life.
(All of a sudden, here's a whole new person!)
And I know that we can be so amazing.
And baby your love is gonna change me.
(Baby, you have turned me into a mother.)


They say all's fair.
In love and war.
But I won't need to fight it.
We'll get it right and, 
We'll be united.
(We got it right. Not many women dream of their child born by c-section after all that hard work laboring, but in the end, the perfect plan for us unfolded and I finally got to meet my Levi.)


* Disclaimer: Today's sappy post was brought to you by pregnant hormones, courtesy of your July 2012 baby-to-be, who I haven't met yet.

radio silence

I can explain my brief blog silence for two reasons:

1) We moved the computer downstairs when we put the house on the market for staging reasons, and I just don't spend as much time on it now. Instead I use the iPad and now the Kindle Fire to catch up on web things.

2) I'm going to have another baby! The cat is out of the bag now. I'm due on July 14, 2012 with my second baby. This one is just two weeks shy of Levi's second birthday, so it'll be a busy, busy summer. I just finished telling all the friends and family, so before that I was being quiet all around so as not to spill the beans too early. I enter the second trimester in a couple days and so far, so good. I haven't been as famished as I was with Levi, nor have I been quite as tired. I have, however, been a much more emotional basketcase. I first figured this out around week 5 or 6 when the song "Lighters" by Eminem and Bruno Mars made me cry. Seriously? I have no idea why... when Bruno sings about all he wants to see is a sky full of lighters... I still don't understand what my deal was.

So that's my excuse for the short blog silence! Back to our regularly scheduled programming.

favorite christmas memories

In no particular order, some of the fun memories I swim in every now and then while getting ready for Christmas:

1. The Christmas Eve midnight mass we went to in Cleveland with my grandmother many years ago. When we came out, it had started to snow.

2. All the funny ornaments on my family tree, including a pair of my dad's baby shoes and a red elf ornament with peeling paint that looks more like a little devil.

3. My first Christmas married to Andy, spending it in our tiny apartment with hand-me-down furniture and a giant tree. Not much else.

4. Last Christmas, Levi's first. That morning was the first morning where he was able to find his binky on his own in the crib and put it back into his mouth. What kid sleeps in on Christmas morning, we asked ourselves.

5. My first Christmas spent in South Florida in sixth grade. It was so hot, I was wearing shorts. That just seemed wrong to me. Now I love Christmas in Florida when I can wear capris and a t-shirt.

6. The Christmas when I seemed to get nothing but stuffed animals. It was an amazing year for a little girl.

7. The Christmas Eve when I had a dream that the entire family room was covered in presents, including the walls and ceilings.

Less than one week until we make some more memories!

then and now

I keep wondering who pulled a fast one on me. How can just one year make such a huge difference? How could it possibly have only been one year between this Christmas and last one? SO MUCH has changed in my little guy, one year just doesn't seem enough. Some of the most notable progressions:

2010, pudge baby being propped up

2011, big boy, standing up

1. Levi wasn't even eating solid foods last Christmas when he turned five months old. Today, he can eat a whole sandwich (one piece of bread) and bowl of fruit and slice of cheese for lunch. That's in addition to two snacks, breakfast and dinner each day.

2. Last year we were just getting excited that Levi was rolling. He'd end up a few feet away from his play mat. Now, he's a stealthy walker/trotter who can get wherever the heck he wants. I'm currently trying to discourage him from climbing things around the house.

3. Last year we were still carting Levi around in the infant car seat. Shortly after Christmas we started to leave the seat in the car all the time instead of snapping it in and out of the base. Now, he is in a big boy car seat. With arm rests.

4. Last year we were just beginning to put Levi straight into a stroller. He kinda slumped a little, especially when bundled up. Now, he is rarely content in a stoller and would prefer to be walking around.

5. Last year, no words (obviously). There was babbling, but now he's really building his vocabulary of words and sounds. Mama, dada, up, yeah, no-no, nana (for banana), din-din (dinner), lalalaa (llama), baaa (sheep), moo (cow), meaooow (cat), ooof (dog), choo-choo (train and any car), ball, keys, nose, Aa-oo (Elmo)...

One of my favorite questions to ask parents of young kids is "what's been your favorite age?" I like asking this questions because the answer is usually "this one, right now." And while I feel a little nostalgic for the rolly-polly pudge baby of last Christmas, I think my favorite Levi is this one, right now.

sweetie petey

Sweety Petey, that's what I call Levi when, well, he's being sweet. Today he was definitely a Sweety Petey. With my MOPS group -- Mothers of Preschoolers -- we visited a nursing home today to do a Christmas craft with some of the residents. Levi and I sat next to a nice 90-year-old lady with macular degeneration while we stuck stickers onto foam Christmas trees. Being in a new place, Levi was very quiet and serious. Eventually he wanted to get out of my lap, but just stood between my chair and the lady's chair. He put his little hand on her knee and looked up at her so sweetly. She petted his hair and rubbed her finger under his chin, cooing about how cute he was. He just stood there and stared at her, reached out to touch her diamond ring, and put his chin out for more tickles. I was so proud of him for being such sweet little boy and I hope that as he grows up, he learns how to be compassionate toward others who aren't as fortunate as he is.

a nice place to visit...

And maybe I could live there.* I'm talking about New York City. For my past several visits, I've looked upon the harried parents, dragging their kids to and fro, silently loving my live as a Northern Virginian suburban. But on this last visit, for Thanksgiving, I found myself really seeing how awesome NYC could be for kids. There were so many parks to choose from near my brother's apartment!

The Hudson River Park, easy walking distance, was so nice! Of course, it was about 65 degrees that day and everyone was thrilled to be outside on a November day, but still. The organization of all the little areas --  even a place for skateboarders, who sometimes I feel get the shaft -- was amazing.

The kiddie playground was amazing. The play equipment must have been so expensive. This was no Little Tikes stuff. I bet it was European or something.

This is Levi, trying to fit in with the other cool New Yorkers. Of course, he would have had to trade in his Stride Rites for something a little higher class, but we're from out of town.

*Disclaimer: This is totally make-believe talk. After having lived in a house five years and amassed a houseful of large furniture, I think that -- and my dependence on free parking, closet space, shopping malls, etc. -- has firmly ensconced me in suburban life. And I'm good with that.