the decisions we make

Right now, I'm in a "tired" phase of parenthood. Yes, middle of the night wakings are an obvious contributor to that, and recovery from childbirth, yes. But honestly, we get a decent amount of sleep and I've been lucky to have great help that got me through the first few weeks of recovery. The tiredness I'm thinking of must be a more emotional tired than a physical one. I think the reason this parenting gig can be so tiring is that I feel like every single little move I make has a large amount of reasoning and effort behind it.

It might not be visible to the untrained -- or toddler -- eye, but really, I feel like everything I do in regards to my kids has a hidden reason behind it.

• No Levi, you cannot have my phone right now (because I know that taking it away while you are in this mood will be more difficult than not giving it to you, because I don't want you to be tethered to the phone).
• Wendy baby, I can't give you your binky while I'm driving (because I can't reach safely and also because I don't want you to expect me to rescue the binky in the car all the time, if it's at all possible to get into a habit at this age). 
• Kids, we will talk quietly at bedtime and will not deviate much from the routines we set into place (because we know you like routines and because we believe a quiet routine will help you sleep better). 
• When I make a promise (like the promise that we will go to naptime in two minutes or the promise that we will watch a video as soon as we clean up toys), I will keep it (because I want my kids to trust me and understand follow-through). 
• I will make my own baby food for Wendy, as I did for Levi (because I enjoy cooking, I want her and Levi to see their parents cooking food at home so they learn how, because I found that Levi made the transition to healthy table food easily, because I once tasted a jarred turkey dinner baby food and I thought it tasted like dog food).
• I am going to make a commitment to keeping the house tidy and "clean" as much as is possible (because I don't buy into the "the dust will remain, but your kids will grow up" mentality, because we all live in this house and deserve it to be enjoyable, because I stay home with the kids all day and staring at clutter all day doesn't help me, because eventually it will catch up to us if we don't). 

I can't even think of all the examples right now, but it seems each moment is another choice in this choose-your-own-adventure thing we call parenting. I wish I could just eenie-meenie-miny-mo sometimes, but I just can't. I don't torture myself with the decisions I make or find myself wrestling with regret, but that's where a lot of my brain power goes these days. I have experienced the true cause of mommy brain!