not over you

Pregnancy has a way of turning all songs on the radio into songs about my baby-to-be, as mentioned in the previous post. This time around, this one particular song has been following me around and making me misty eyed every time it comes on. Gavin DeGraw is not talking about a baby when he's singing "Not Over You," but here's what I hear in the lyrics...

Dreams, that's where I have to go
to see your beautiful face anymore
I stare at a picture of you and listen to the radio

(I only have one picture of this baby, a little blurby picture. And I listen to the radio almost all day long.)

Hope, hope there's a conversation
where we both admit we had it good but

(Sometimes, I just can't wait to be able to talk to him or her.)

until then it's alienation, I know, that much is understood

(To be so close to the baby, and yet so far from actually holding him or her...)

And I realize

If you ask me how I'm doin I would say I'm doin just fine

(My standard answer to the "how are you?" question is "good"... probably because I'm mostly good, but also because I know I could be a lot worse off. So generally speaking, I'm good.)

I would lie and say that you're not on my mind

(Sometimes I will also say something like "it's going so fast" like this baby isn't always on my mind because I'm so busy with life and Levi.)

But I go out and I sit down at a table set for two 

(This is when Levi and I are out to lunch, just the two of us at a table set for two...)

and finally I'm forced to face the truth

No matter what they say, I'm not over you
Not over you

(Yup, it hits you like a ton of bricks... it won't be just the two of us for much longer! And I'm still not over the excitement of finding out about this baby.)

Damn, damn girl you do it well
And I thought you were innocent
You took this heart and put it through hell
But still you're magnificent 
I I'm a boomerang doesn't matter how you throw me
Turn around and I'm back in the game

(Hah, I feel like I was just there doing this pregnancy thing, and here I am, back in the game. Maybe because I only had less than two months between weaning Levi and getting pregnant again.)

Even better than the old me

But I'm not even close without you

One day I will listen to songs like normal people do, I promise!

i just haven't met you yet

I was eating lunch with my little dining companion today, when one of our favorite special songs came on the radio. I've thought of this as "our song" ever since before Levi was born, as it played constantly on the radio in the  days leading up to his July 2010 birthday. "Haven't Met You Yet" just seemed to make so much more sense as a baby song than a love song, to me. Here are the lyrics and my interpretations throughout:


I'm not surprised.
Not everything lasts.
I've broken my heart so many times I stopped keeping track.
Talk myself in.
I talk myself out.
I get all worked up, then I let myself down.
(Approaching the due date, sometime I'd get worked up about it, but then realized there was nothing I could do yet.)
I tried so very hard not to lose it.
(I think most pregnant women are *this close* to losing their sanity on most days. It's a big change a-coming!)

I came up with a million excuses.
I thought I thought of every possibility.
(Hind sight... I didn't think I'd be in labor for 12 days straight. No joke.)
And I know someday that it'll all turn out.
You'll make me work so we can work to work it out.
(Twelve days of contractions is WORK!)

And promise you, kid, that I'll give so much more than I get.
(False. I do not give more than the joy I receive.)

I just haven't met you yet.
(It's so odd to have a person inside you, so very close, and yet so far away.)
I might have to wait.
(Hah. Those days are the longest days ever.)

I'll never give up.
(I have yet to hear of a pregnant woman staying pregnant forever.)

I guess it's half timing, 
And the other half's luck.
(Yup, that magic day is completely out of my control.)

Wherever you are.
Whenever it's right.
You'll come out of nowhere and into my life.
(All of a sudden, here's a whole new person!)
And I know that we can be so amazing.
And baby your love is gonna change me.
(Baby, you have turned me into a mother.)


They say all's fair.
In love and war.
But I won't need to fight it.
We'll get it right and, 
We'll be united.
(We got it right. Not many women dream of their child born by c-section after all that hard work laboring, but in the end, the perfect plan for us unfolded and I finally got to meet my Levi.)


* Disclaimer: Today's sappy post was brought to you by pregnant hormones, courtesy of your July 2012 baby-to-be, who I haven't met yet.

radio silence

I can explain my brief blog silence for two reasons:

1) We moved the computer downstairs when we put the house on the market for staging reasons, and I just don't spend as much time on it now. Instead I use the iPad and now the Kindle Fire to catch up on web things.

2) I'm going to have another baby! The cat is out of the bag now. I'm due on July 14, 2012 with my second baby. This one is just two weeks shy of Levi's second birthday, so it'll be a busy, busy summer. I just finished telling all the friends and family, so before that I was being quiet all around so as not to spill the beans too early. I enter the second trimester in a couple days and so far, so good. I haven't been as famished as I was with Levi, nor have I been quite as tired. I have, however, been a much more emotional basketcase. I first figured this out around week 5 or 6 when the song "Lighters" by Eminem and Bruno Mars made me cry. Seriously? I have no idea why... when Bruno sings about all he wants to see is a sky full of lighters... I still don't understand what my deal was.

So that's my excuse for the short blog silence! Back to our regularly scheduled programming.